If Anyone Can Hear Me
by girlinterrupted22
Summary: S402. My version of S4 continues. Izzie discovers that life isn't all it's cracked up to be, and struggles with the guilt from her past.  A fatality strikes one member of the SGH team. The whole group must band together together to make it through.
1. I Love You More

Izzie Stevens walked into the resident's locker room after a long day of visiting patients, unknotting her hair from it's ponytail as she sank onto the bench. Residency was hard, harder than her internship, in the way that she was actually expected to know things. People treated her like an actual doctor, and, okay…Maybe she was an official doctor now, but on days like today, it didn't feel that way.

"Hey, Izzie," Meredith said, plopping on the bench beside her. "How's it going?"

"Tired," Izzie grunted. "It's been a long day."

"I know the feeling."

"When's Addison coming back to work?" Izzie asked.

"Not sure yet, we were going to talk about it soon," Meredith answered. "But she'll probably be staying with us for a while."

Izzie nodded. "That's cool." She stripped off her scrub top to reveal the tank-top underneath. "You wanna go out tonight? I need to blow off steam. I'm totally frustrated."

"I can't tonight. I promised Addison I'd come home after work and we'd hang out. She's probably going crazy all alone, and I think you're right…She should try ooming back to work soon, just to get into the normal swing of stuff."

"Okay," Izzie answered, gathering her extra clothes and makeup and heading for the bathroom. "I'll see you later then, when I get home."

In the bathroom, Izzie put on a nicer top and braided her hair to fall neatly down the center of her back. A couple of passes of the makeup brush, and she could almost pass for a human being. Making sure her pager was securely on her jeans, she left the locker room and headed out of Seattle Grace to Joe's Bar.

Once she was actually in front of the bar, Izzie realized how weird it was that she was going in alone. Izzie wasn't really that big of drinker, at least not a solo drinker. Drinking socially was a completely different story. Rather than actually enter the bar, Izzie found herself sitting outside on a bench.

_I miss Denny._ She thought to herself. _There, I admit it. But it doesn't make me feel better. It should make me feel better. It would be different if Denny was here. But…I think I miss George most of all._

Almost as if her thoughts were magic, George was suddenly on the bench beside her after almost two weeks of absence. He was unshaven, his hair unkept, and his eyes had the glassy consistency of one who hadn't slept. "Hey there, Izzie."

She was so shocked at his sudden appearance that it was all she could do to squeak out, "Hey."

"So…" he started, dragging the toe of his shoe through the dirt, "you probably heard by now that I'm not a doctor anymore."

Izzie shook her head. "No, I didn't know any…You just disappeared."

"I failed my intern exam. They want me to take my first year over again…I don't know how to do it over, you know?"

Izzie shrugged, "Just do it, I guess, George. That's all you can do."

"It's embarrassing."

"No shit," Izzie replied. "But you are supposed to be my best friend, George, my best friend, and you left with no explanation whatsoever."

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

Without any thought on her part, all of Izzie's frustration channeled into one action and she found herself slapping George across the face. "You cheated on your wife, George, you slept with me, and it was a mistake, but then you just left, George, you just left."

"Callie left me."

"Because you," Izzie waved a hand in the air, "I don't know, disappeared for two weeks?"

"Because I told her," George responded. "I told her that I love you more."

Izzie couldn't believe it had taken her the entire conversation with him to realize how drunk George was. "You love me more…and you left me without a word."

"Izzie, you have to understand, I…"

Izzie grabbed her purse and stood to her feet. "I don't need to understand, George, I need to walk away before I say something I will regret in the morning."

Izzie walked back to the Seattle Grace parking lot and her car, leaving George sitting alone on the bench. She fumbled in her purse for the keys, and made it into the drivers seat before completely bursting into tears. Life as she knew it was changing beyond her control, and Izzie didn't know what to do to make it better.


	2. You Get Overwhelmed

Cristina Yang sat alone in the hospital cafeteria, fiddling with the stethoscope that hung around her neck. _I like to think that I'm pretty tough shit._ she thought to herself. _But this totally sucks without Burke. _

Meredith pulled out the chair across from Cristina and put her own tray down. "Hey, Cristina."

"I still have no eyebrows," Cristina responded. It was her way of telling Meredith she was still thinking about Burke. Of course she was still thinking about Burke. She was entitled to be thinking about Burke. And there was, on top of it all, the eyebrow thing.

"They'll grow back," Meredith answered, thinking about more than just the eyebrows.

"I know. But it still sucks. I want more blood. I want surgeries, I want to fix people. It's been too quiet this week."

"You know what the Chief says about saying that," Meredith cautioned.

"You call it quiet," Cristina started.

"And we will be overwhelmed," they finished together.

"What are we overwhelmed with?" Izzie asked, pulling a chair up.

"Quiet," Cristina said. "We're overwhelmed with quiet. And quiet doesn't make my eyebrows grow back, I don't know if you noticed."

"I'm…sorry?" Izzie stuttered.

"Don't mind her," Meredith interjected. "She's having a crappy day."

"I am not having a crappy day," Cristina insisted. "I'm having a crappy life, all around. Do you know what a pain it is to draw these things in every day?"

"I love you, Cristina!" Meredith chirped, running around the table to give her friend a hug.

"God," Cristina laughed, "what's got you all, Ms. Chipper?"

"I'm trying to turn a new leaf, be more positive, look at the brighter side…"

"Again?" Cristina interrupted.

Meredith raised an eyebrow. "Thanks a lot!"

Izzie, pretty much trapped in the middle, wrapped up the rest of the food and chucked her tray in the trash. "I've got to get back, I'm covering the ER today."

"See you at home?" Meredith asked.

"Sure," Izzie replied, already moving away.

The ER was dead. Not just slow dead, but literally dustballs blowing in the breeze of the deadness dead. Izzie leaned back on the nurse's station, pondering the conversation in the cafeteria. _What was it they said? When you say it's quiet, you get overwhelmed? God, overwhelm me. Please. That would rock. 'Cause I'm so underwhelmed…"_

"Dr. Stevens? We have a severe car accident victim en route, ETA five minutes."

Izzie was already pulling on exam gloves and heading for the ambulance bay. "What are the stats?"

The nurse was furiously scribbling the incoming message. "Vitals are 80/38, heart rate is 40," she called out. "Respirations are a 5 and labored, so the patient was intubated in the field before transport. 4 on the Glasgow scale."

Izzie snapped her gloves, ready for action. The ambulance screamed into the bay, lights blazing, and Izzie hopped up to bring the stretcher down with the medics. Her adrenaline pumping, Izzie was certain that today she would save another life. The stretcher came down onto the ground in the light of the bay, and time suddenly stopped for Izzie. It took her several seconds to realize that she wasn't breathing.

"Oh. My. God," she whispered, before running through the doors and yelling for a trauma room.

Izzie had to save a life today. Izzie had to save this life, because there was no other option. As much as she hated the whole thing, as much as she thought that George had made a mistake…Callie Torres-O'Malley really didn't deserve to die.


	3. The Halo

_Dear God, _Izzie thought, _if anyone up there can hear me…_

They were in the trauma room, and the buzzing in Izzie head had increased again.

"Pressure is 70/30, heart rate 99 and rising. 100. 101," the nurse called out.

Izzie did her job, trying to see Callie as another patient, not as someone she knew…not George's wife. "Page Dr. Shepherd," she barked.

"Yes, Dr. Stevens," the nurse responded.

Derek was there almost in an instant. "Was already on my way," he said, peeling back Callie's eyelid to shine a light into her eyes. "Pupils are unequal and unresponsive to light. Stats?"

"Pressure 70/30, heart rate 104," the nurse said again.

"Her abdomen is hard, Dr. Shepherd," Izzie stated, "she's bleeding internally. We have to get her to surgery."

"We have to get her stabilized, Stevens," he snapped, "I know it's hard, but we need to distance ourselves for Callie's sake, to give her our best."

Izzie nodded, standing by as he continued his hurried examination.

"Obvious signs of head trauma, a small amount of mucus leaking from the nose," Derek said to the room. He got closer, practically inches from Callie's prone body. "Slight halo around the mucus, I would say cerebral spinal fluid definitely leaking."

"Heart rate 115," Izzie said, her eye trained on the monitor. "She's going into v.tach!"

The nurse had already rushed the crash cart to the bed, and Derek charged the paddles, pushing them to Callie's chest to shock her heart into a normal rhythm. "Clear!" he called.

The shock had no positive effect. In the aftermath, Callie was in v.fib. The line on the heart monitor was totally flat, and Izzie prayed again to God that time would just slow down. It couldn't be too late. Not this, not to Callie, not to George.

Derek charged again, and again, with no effect. He set the paddles aside, studying the monitors. "It's been too long," he whispered, "she was just too hurt."

"Dr. Shepherd," Izzie said, "you…"

"We did everything we could, Stevens. I have to call it. She has too many injuries, she's not coming back from this." He looked at the large digital clock on the back wall of the room. "Time of death…4:04PM," he whispered.

"Dr. Shepherd, there has to be something else we can do, there has to be something, anything," Izzie pleaded.

He shook his head. "You have no idea how much I wish there was, Stevens, no idea." He steered her by the arm, trying to turn her away so the nurses could finish up. "We should step out of here."

"No," Izzie argued, "we shouldn't leave her. We can't leave her alone."

"I'm going to talk to Chief Webber," Derek answered.

Izzie stared him straight in the face. "Well I'm staying here. I'm waiting with her."

"I respect that." Derek put a hand on Izzie's shoulder as he stood in the doorway. "But you have to understand one thing, okay? Promise?"

Izzie nodded slowly, still taking it all in.

"You have to know that we did everything we could…and there just wasn't a lot we could do Izzie. You have to know that."

He disappeared, and Izzie pulled a chair up to the bedside, staring into Callie's lifeless face. _Everything we could…_she repeated in her head. _But George…will never understand._


	4. Dead Air

Addison was curled up on Meredith's couch, her legs folded beneath her and a magazine in her lap. The front door slammed, twice, and she heard Meredith calling out Izzie's name.

"Izzie? Iz? Come on, talk to me!"

Izzie blew through the living room and up the stairs, quickly disappearing from view. Addison and Meredith stared after her as the sound of the bathroom door slamming echoed overhead.

"Long day?" Addison frowned.

Meredith sighed, dropping into the armchair across from the couch. "I'm not even sure how to begin talking about it."

Putting aside her magazine, Addison looked at Meredith expectantly. "Try me," she offered. "God knows you've been listening to me a lot lately."

"Dr. Torres…Callie…"

Addison cocked her head to one side. "What happened?"

"She…died."

"What?" Addison gasped, involuntary tears springing to her eyes.

Meredith shook her head in disbelief, fighting tears of her own as she murmered, "She got in a car accident. She came into the ER, and Izzie was on call…she and Derek did everything they could, but…"

"Oh my god…"

"Izzie blames herself, Derek and I tried to tell her otherwise, but there's no talking to her. She's totally snapped." Meredith grabbed a kleenex from the box on the coffee table and blew her nose. "I just can't believe it…it was so…"

"Sudden," Addison finished.

"Sudden," Meredith agreed.

Using another Kleenex to wipe the tears from her eyes, Meredith got to her feet. "I should try and talk to Izzie again. Are you…okay?"

Addison nodded. "Talk to Izzie, get her to come down, we can all talk."

Meredith trudged up the stairs and knocked on the bathroom door. "Iz?"

There was no answer. Meredith cracked open the door and found Izzie on the floor in front of the toilet, her elbows resting on the seat. Meredith took a step towards her friend and laid a hand on her back as Izzie emptied the contents of her stomach into the bowl. When the heaving subsided, Meredith wet a washcloth and rubbed it on Izzie's neck, helping her gently lean back against the wall.

"We couldn't save her, Mer…Derek and I…we tried so hard, but…"

"I know, sweetie." Meredith rubbed a soothing hand on Izzie's arm as Izzie burst into tears.

"George…I don't know how to tell George…He's…going…to hate me."

"Izzie…"

"He won't hate you," Addison picked up, so quiet in the door that no one had noticed her. "It wasn't your fault, Izzie. I know that doesn't make any sense to you right now, but it wasn't your fault."

Meredith nodded, grateful to have someone else to affirm her views.

Izzie looked back and forth between Addison and Meredith. "You weren't there. Neither one of you was there."

"But I know you," Addison whispered, kneeling beside Meredith, "and I definitely know Derek. If there was anything you could have done, either of you…" Addison didn't even have to finish her thought.

"I want…to call George," Izzie stammered.

Meredith shook her head. "I'm not sure that's a good idea right now, Iz. Maybe you should wait for him to…I don't know. There's never going to be a good time, I guess."

Izzie pulled her cell phone out of her pocket.

The line picked up after two rings, but there was only silence.

"Hello?" Izzie whispered, "George?"

After a brief pause, he answered, "I can't talk to you right now," and the line went dead.

Izzie began to cry softly, the cell phone falling from her hand and skittering across the bathroom tile. The other two women pulled her into a group hug. All three of them huddled on the floor together, their grief for their lost colleague breaking all of their hearts.


	5. You Don't Deserve This

There were more people at Callie's funeral than Izzie could believe. Pretty much everybody from Seattle Grace who could be there was. Callie's parents, her friends from her hometown…George. Meredith, Addison, and surprisingly, even Cristina, all formed a protective barrier around Izzie as they came in. The women leaned on each other for support, and at the same time, tried to give everything they could to Izzie.

There were a few hymns, and the man presiding said some nice words, but none of it really clicked with Izzie. It wasn't until Addison gave her hand a sharp squeeze before standing and walking to the microphone that Izzie really took notice of the proceedings.

Addison stood in front of the microphone stand, staring blankly at the index cards in her hand before shoving them in her pocket. "They…Callie's family…" she started, "They asked me to speak the day after she died. I guess they were thinking that I, as her best friend, might have something…to say." Addison began to cry softly, and she used her handkerchief to wipe her eyes. "These index cards," she pulled them out of her pocket again, "don't do her justice." Addison tossed the cards to the floor, watching them flutter off to different locations across the platform.

"These weren't Callie," she continued, gesturing to the fallen cards. "This," she added while pointing around the room, "wasn't Callie. Maybe…none of us took the time to know Callie as well as we should have. But she knew me. She knew all of us. That's part of what made her special."

Izzie looked around the room. She spotted George in the very front pew, right beside who she supposed to be Callie's parents. Focusing her eyes on the back of his head, she willed him to turn around, look at her, acknowledge her…anything. But he didn't.

"I was her best friend," Addison stated. "Her best friend. And I feel like…I could have done better. Callie was happy, Callie was content. I know beyond a doubt that she loved George with all of her heart…maybe more than life itself. I know that she was always there for me, whenever I needed her. I know that she put everyone and everything else before herself. Callie was self confident, Callie was special…I wish that I could be more like her, but I know that it's a hard thing to fill. But maybe…" Addison stared at the floor while saying, "Maybe we could all stand to be even a little bit more like Callie."

Addison stepped down off the platform and back to the pew, her heels clacking all the way. Sitting down, she followed Izzie's gaze to the back of George's head and gave her hand another squeeze.

Chief Webber, Derek, and two other men that Izzie didn't know, carefully lifted the coffin up and began to walk it down the aisle. After they were all the way out the door, the people in the front row started getting up to follow. George walked slowly down the aisle, surrounded by Callie's family, not meeting anyone's eye.

As George approached Izzie, he looked up sharply, as if he had known all along that she was there. "You…" he whispered.

Izzie stood up, wanting to take his hand…wanting to comfort him in any way she could.

"You…" George repeated. "You don't…deserve to be here."

"What?" Izzie responded shakily.

"You don't deserve to be here," he spat.

Callie father tugged on George's elbow, trying to get him to move on, as Izzie's friends rose up around her. "George," Meredith admonished softly, laying a hand on Izzie's arm.

Izzie didn't know how to respond. Her hands were shaking so badly, her used Kleenex fluttered to the floor. "I…I don't understand," she whispered.

"You…don't deserve to remember her, you should have saved her!" George's voice steadily rose in pitch as Callie's father bodily dragged him down the aisle. "She was there, and you were there, and you should have saved her!"

Izzie couldn't see through her tears as George disappeared out the door of the church.

"Izzie?" Meredith asked. "Are you all right?"

She shook her head, unable to formulate words.

"It's not your fault, Izzie," Addison said. "He's just hurting, he needs someone to take it out on, a reason…a reason for it." She leaned in to try and give Izzie a hug. Izzie broke into sobs and pushed her away.

"No, you don't understand!" she cried, breaking through her friends and running out the door of the church. Izzie ran as fast as she could, as far as she could, until she couldn't run anymore. It was at that point that she froze, finally letting her legs give out and carry her to the ground. She found that couldn't even cry anymore. It was all so senseless, so numbing.

_There is so much that I have to say to you, George, so much that I have to tell you…so much that you don't know yet._ Izzie's thoughts trailed off as she leaned back against the nearest tree. There were so many things that she wanted to say to George, but she had no idea where to even begin.


	6. Finding Fault

Several hours after the funeral, Izzie finally returned to the house. Many hours of thinking had resulted in her being no farther along than she had been earlier in the day. Dropping into a stool at the breakfast bar, Izzie stared blankly at the wall. Meredith drifted, bleary eyed, into the kitchen and opened the fridge.

"You okay, Iz?" she asked, taking the stool next to Izzie.

Izzie shook her head in response. There wasn't really an easy answer. "I have a lot on my mind."

"You've been crying," Meredith stated.

"So have you," retorted Izzie.

"I'm sorry…"

After a brief pause, Izzie sighed, "Me too." She slipped out of her seat and trudged towards the stairs. Her legs were suddenly shaky, and she suddenly found herself sitting on the floor.

Meredith rushed to her side. "Izzie, what's wrong?"

Izzie's eyes welled up. "I don't feel well," she whispered.

"Oh, Iz, you are way too stressed out. You seriously need to get some rest."

"It's not that," Izzie answered, so quietly that Meredith could barely hear her.

"What is it?"

"I don't want to talk about it," Izzie said hurriedly, reaching out for an end table to pull herself to her feet. She pulled herself up on the table, but her legs still wouldn't support her, and she fell back to the floor, taking the lamp with her.

Meredith reached down and put Izzie's arm around her shoulders, hoisting her friend up gently and helping her to the couch. "Let me make you some tea, okay? Get something in your stomach?"

Izzie nodded mutely.

When Meredith returned to the living room, Izzie was curled up in a ball on the couch around the box of Kleenex. Placing a mug in Izzie's hands, Meredith said, "Spill your guts. Seriously. 'Cause I'm not helping you upstairs until you do."

"I…feel…very guilty," Izzie muttered.

"Iz, you can't feel guilty for what happened to Callie. You had no control over it, you had nothing to do with her accident...You did the…"

"The best I could?" Izzie finished. "But…it's not even about that."

"What is it then?"

"I really don't want to talk about it. Seriously." Izzie took a sip of tea and set her mug on the table.

"Izzie, you have…"

"God, Meredith!" Izzie interrupted, exploding. "I slept with George! Are you happy now?"

Meredith opened and closed her mouth, no words coming out.

"I slept…with George…" Izzie repeated, tears streaming down her face. "I slept with George…and that's why he and Callie aren't…weren't…together anymore…He was distracted, he failed his intern exam…because of me…and Callie wanted a divorce…and…"

"Izzie, I…I didn't know." Meredith wanted to reach out a hand to her friend, but she wasn't sure how to help. "I…"

"You didn't know because no one knew. And you probably would have been the first one I would have told, but…God, I don't know what to do, Meredith. George won't even talk to me, and there's…so…There's so much that I need to say, you know?"

"I know," Meredith affirmed.

"Part of me thinks that if Callie were still here…it would be easier…but the other part…" Izzie broke into hysterical sobs, leaning into Meredith as Meredith wrapped her arms around her.

"Make what easier, sweetie?"

Izzie mumbled an answer into Meredith's chest between sobs, but it was impossible to understand.

"What? I couldn't hear you."

Izzie lifted her head up, looking at her best friend and struggling to keep breathing. "I'm…pregnant, Meredith. I'm pregnant."


	7. On My Knees, Only Memories

Addison, Meredith, and Izzie were all crammed into a tiny exam room at Seattle Grace. Izzie stared at the blank ultrasound monitor, wincing as Addison rubbed the cold gel onto her abdomen.

"Sorry," Addison apologized. "It's a little cold at first, I should have warned you."

"It's okay," Izzie whispered, her eyes still focused on the ultrasound machine. Izzie wrapped her hand tightly around Meredith's as Addison placed the transducer on her belly.

As the transducer worked it's magic, everybody in the room was silent. A very tiny fetus appeared slowly on the screen, and Izzie squeezed Meredith's hand as tightly as she could. "There it is, Iz. Your baby."

Izzie didn't realize she was crying until Meredith handed her a tissue. "It's okay, Izzie, don't cry, it's okay," she murmered.

Addison printed out the ultrasound and handed it to Izzie. "We won't know for another four weeks or so whether it's a boy or a girl. You're at six weeks right now, we can do this again when you're at ten."

Numbly, Izzie nodded and stared at the little picture in her hand. "You okay, Izzie?" Addison asked.

She nodded again.

"Do you want me to leave so you can talk to Meredith?"

"No, I want you to stay, I…"

Addison wiped the gel of Izzie's stomach and Izzie pulled her shirt down and pushed herself to the edge of the bed. "What do I do now?" she whispered. "What am I supposed to do?"

Meredith sat beside Izzie, holding her hand in her lap. "There's always adoption. You could put it up for adoption, Izzie, maybe that would be best."

"I can't think about it now," she responded, "it's too overwhelming."

Addison pulled a chair up next to bed and took Izzie's other hand. "Only you know what's best, Izzie. Only you. And we can help you, we can give you advice, but it has to come from in here," she said, placing her hand over her heart.

Izzie looked away, unable to meet her friend's eyes.

"I think you could be a terrific mother, Izzie," Addison continued. "I think you have the heart and the compassion, and you will be the best that you possibly can be for that child, no matter what you decide."

"She's right, Izzie," Meredith affirmed.

"I lost out on that, Izzie…I made some mistakes that I wish I never would have made."

"Like what?" Izzie responded, looking for anything to distract her from what was happening in the here and now.

Addison sighed, resting her face in her hands for several seconds before going on. "Before I came to Seattle…Mark and I were living together in New York after Derek left me. Things were going really great…And then I got pregnant."

"What did you do?" Izzie asked.

"There was all this stuff going around the hospital there about Mark cheating on me with someone else…and I got really scared. I didn't want to lose him like I'd lost Derek…I was so stupid."

"It's okay, Addison, you don't have to go on if you don't want to," Izzie said in a hushed tone.

"No," Addison argued, "I want to, because I want you to know that I consider having an abortion one of the worst mistakes of my life. I just found out that I probably won't ever be able to have children now…I had my one chance, and I blew it."

"God, Addison, I'm so sorry," Meredith whispered.

Addison ducked her head to directly meet Izzie's averted gaze. "You will do the right thing by your baby, Izzie, I know you will. When the time comes to choose what to do, you will know what to do. I promise." Standing up, she gave Izzie's hand a final squeeze. "I have to go talk to the Chief about officially coming back on board, but we can talk more tonight if you'd like."

"I'd like that," Izzie answered.

As Addison left the room, Izzie turned to Meredith and asked, "So, do I tell George, or not? I mean…"

"I don't know, Iz. He definitely has a right to know, but…"

"I'm scared, Mer, I know he blames me for Callie, somewhere in his head, and I'm so scared of being rejected again, I just…I don't know."

"You have a little time, Iz. Take it, think about it."

"I guess…It's just…He was one of my best friends. And now…there's nothing."

Meredith drew her friend into a hug. "I know, sweetie. I know."

"I want to call him," Izzie said, "I want to call him right away, I want him to know what's going on, but I'm afraid he won't talk to me…and I'm not sure I can leave it in a message…I'm afraid of how that would sound…I'm afraid."

Izzie and Meredith got in the elevator down to the parking lot, and Izzie played with her cell phone in her pocket. "I can't call him yet, Mer, I'm not sure what I would say."

"It's okay, it doesn't have to be right away. But eventually, you should try."

"I will. Not today though. I don't know when I'll even see him again."

The elevator doors came open, and George was outside waiting for the next elevator up.


	8. Nothing Comes Easily

Izzie felt Meredith's presence beside her, not really registering the movement as her friend step out and placed herself between Izzie and George. The three of them stood that way for several seconds, and Izzie didn't dare try to breathe. George was the one person in the world that she most wanted to see, and yet…He was also the one person in the world that she last wanted to see.

"Izzie," George acknowledged with a brief nod, his eyes on the floor as he tried to step around them and into the elevator.

"Seriously?" Meredith exploded furiously. "Seriously?"

"Meredith, it's okay…" Izzie whispered.

"No, it is _not_ okay. It's not okay!" To George, Meredith said, "This is not fair. You need to talk, you _both_ need to talk, and you need to talk now, even if I have to tie you to chairs in the lobby and force you to do it."

George nodded without any hesitation. "So…you want to talk…now?" he asked Izzie hesitantly.

Meredith looked at Izzie. George looked at Izzie. All Izzie wanted to do was back up into the elevator and disappear.

"Iz…" George said, "I'm…sorry for how I treated you."

Meredith squeezed Izzie's shoulder as Izzie pulled away and crossed into the lobby. She folded herself into one of the cheap lobby chairs, placing her overly stuffed purse beneath her, and waited for George to settle beside her.

"I'm sorry about Callie. You don't even know how much."

"Thanks," he whispered. "I'm sorry for the way I treated you, with…with everything. I just…"

"It was very sudden," Izzie finished for him.

George's head bobbed in agreement. "I didn't even say goodbye to her. I never got to say…goodbye." He hung his head, and Izzie grabbed on to his hand.

"I'm so sorry, George. I'm so very sorry. I did everything I…"

"That you could?" he interrupted. "I know. And I never should have blamed you. That was…I was…I guess I just…"

Izzie stared out the lobby window over George's head, watching the warm Seattle rain trickling across the glass. Repeatedly in her head, she rehearsed all the things she wanted to say. _George, I'm…pregnant. How do I say that? Do I just come out and say that? I mean, seriously, is it even appropriate? Of course it's not appropriate. It's never going to be right, I just…I should…_

"I needed to blame someone, anyone…but…It was really all…It was all with me. And I was looking for somebody else, anybody else, to blame, and I know…I know that doesn't make it right, Iz, but…I am sorry."

"It's okay," she replied, though she wasn't sure if it really was.

"We can't be what we were, but…we can start over."

Izzie nodded without a word, even though that wasn't what her heart wanted at all.

"Listen, I've got to go up…I'm here…to get Callie's stuff, and…"

Izzie let go of his hand. _Should I tell him? Now's not the time, isn't this whole thing just getting to know each other again, I mean…I should wait. There's never going to be a good time. But if I wait much longer, it's lying, and I don't want to lie, I want…_Out loud, Izzie said, "You can call me, sometime. If you ever want to talk about stuff, I mean." Izzie chomped down on the inside of her lip, trying to keep the tears from flowing.

"I will, Izzie. I promise." With that, he got up and disappeared into the elevator.

Izzie pulled her purse out from under the chair and drifted randomly towards the doors, right past where Meredith was waiting for her. Meredith knew without even being told that Izzie hadn't said a word about the baby, and she was right there to catch her friend as the tears finally broke through in the pouring rain.

"Mer, why is this so hard? Why is this so…hard?" Izzie sobbed. "I'm going to have a baby, a baby…How hard is that to say, why can't I just…say…"

Meredith found herself totally at a loss for words, and the two of them stood in the rain until they were soaked through to the bone.


	9. My Life As A Duck

Meredith perched on a bench in the resident's locker room, undoing her ponytail and sliding her shoes off onto the floor.

The door creaked open and there was someone sitting next to her on the bench before she could even look up.

"Hey, Mer,"

Blinking rapidly, Meredith took him in. "Hey, George."

Using the toe of his shoe like a pencil, George drew several lines on the tile floor before saying, "I've decided to repeat my intern year."

"Good," Meredith nodded, not sure what else to say. George was foreign now, and entirely new being that she wasn't even sure she really wanted to know.

"Yeah, I guess," he continued, "I just don't want to be sitting around the house all day, you know? I don't really have much else to do."

_Don't really have much else to do, huh? _Meredith laughed to herself, rolling her eyes inwardly at the irony.

"You'll be seeing more of me, then, and I really have missed you, Meredith. Like, we used to spend all of that time together, and then…"

Meredith pulled off her scrub shirt to reveal the tank top underneath and whipped the shirt into her locker. "I'll see you around, George. I've got to go."

"Okay," he answered. "See ya."

Meredith stood up before turning to look again. "And maybe…George…you should talk to…Izzie."

She grabbed her purse and bolted from the locker room, not really in the mood to socialize anymore.

0oooooooooooooooooooooo0

Izzie hated being in the park after dark. It made her nervous to think all the bad guys possibly lurking in the bushes. But as dusk came and went, she continued throwing small pieces of bread from her plastic bag into the pond and counting the ducks.

"Ducks…are simple," she said to no one in particular, as she shredded another piece of bread. "Eat, swim, float and sleep. Repeat. And now…I'm talking to the ducks. I. Am talking. To the ducks." Izzie's laughter edged towards borderline hysterical as she littered the water's surface with more little pieces of bread.

"So…God. If there is such a thing…if there is a God," Izzie rambled as she crumbled up her empty bag and aimed for the trash can. "I mean…seriously. If anyone up there can hear me…Yeah. A little help…That would be really nice right now. I don't…I want…I'm pregnant. Life is messy. The past is messy. I hate it, I hate everything…I wish I was a duck. So yeah…help. Help would be good."

"Iz…I knew you'd be here."

Izzie couldn't hide her face turning forty two shades of pink as George sat beside her. "What are you doing here?" she asked. "How much did you hear?"

"Enough," he replied, answering her question without really answering.

"I'm pregnant," she said, spitting it out without really thinking. Like ripping off a band-aid, only more painful.

George bit his lip, nodding. "I heard."

Izzie's face flushed again as she muttered, "I was talking to God. And ducks. And last time I checked, you are neither, and you weren't supposed to hear that."

"It's okay, Izzie."

"Not really."

Izzie rose to her feet and tried to pull away, but George grabbed her arm. "Sit down, Izzie, let's talk."

"No," she stated adamantly, trying to shake him off. "I don't want to talk."

George steered her into sitting back down on the bench. "What are we doing here, Izzie, we should be able to talk…we should,"

"Things changed," she interrupted, "the night we tried to make it all about something else. Sex changes people, George. Death changes people. People change."

"We're…having a baby, Iz. A baby."

"_I'm _having a baby. I'm having a baby, George." Izzie twirled a strand of hair around her finger angrily, fighting the urge to rip it out. "You wanted nothing to do with me until right this moment, and all of a sudden…"

"It's not that I didn't want anything to do with you," he argued, "I just…I had…I have a lot going on, and my priorities were wrong…And I let you down, Iz. I said it before, and I'll say it again. I'm sorry, Izzie. You have to know that."

She nodded.

"So…What are we doing? What is it…six weeks? Is it a boy or a girl?"

"Six weeks," Izzie confirmed. "We won't know for a while longer if it's a boy or a girl, it's too early to tell." Izzie leaned forward to stare at the ground as she added, "You don't have to do this, George, you don't have to be there. So soon after…"

"Yeah, Izzie, yeah…I do."

Izzie let her gaze drift off into the ducks, and when George reached for her hand, she found herself unable to pull away.


	10. Epilouge

"We can't name this child after ducks, George. You do realize that."

"Yeah, I know," George answered, taking Izzie's hand. The two of them were seated in the exam room, waiting for Addison. "But I do want to help. I told you, even if we're not together, I still want to be a part of this. And I will be. Even if that means ducks. I don't understand why we can't name him Donald or something. He doesn't know it's after the duck."

"How do you know it's a boy?" Izzie laughed as Addison entered the room. "Well," Addison said, "I'm certainly glad to see you laughing."

"It's good to be laughing," Izzie responded happily. "I'm actually starting to get excited for this baby."

Addison slid up Izzie's tank top and applied the gel for the ultrasound. "Are you ready to know if it's a boy or a girl?"

"We were just joking about that," Izzie answered. "George wants to name him Donald."

"Like the duck," George offered.

"Like the duck," Izzie rolled her eyes. "But I don't want my child to grow up as a duck. That's just not cool."

Addison smiled, turning on the ultrasound machine as she placed the transducer on Izzie's abdomen. After several seconds, she pointed to the picture on the screen. "George, Izzie, that's your baby. That's the head, and those are the feet. I know it probably doesn't look like it, but those are feet. Do you see?"

George was in awe, unable to utter more than a simple, "Wow."

"Wow," Izzie echoed.

"You want to know the sex?"

Izzie nodded, unable to take her eyes off the screen.

"It's a boy!" Addison exclaimed.

"Yes!" George cried, pumping his fist in the air. "I told you!"

Izzie used the paper towel Addison gave her to clean off her belly as Addison printed out several copies of the ultrasound. "You may want to share these with friends," she said, handing the stack to George. "Meredith first. I know she's excited. She's probably somewhere close outside that door."

Izzie smiled. "Thanks, Addison." She looked directly into the older woman's gaze, trying to convey her emotions through her eyes. "For everything."

Addison nodded, totally understanding. "Any time, Izzie. Any time." With that, she opened the door and went out into the hall, leaving George and Izzie alone.

"A boy," Izzie whispered.

"Doug," George responded.

"What?"

"I think we should name him Doug," George clarified. "My brother is Doug, he's like that, if we named a boy after him."

"Doug," Izzie nodded. "I like that."

Izzie hung her legs down over the side of the exam table and let George climb up beside her. "Izzie?" he asked.

"Yeah?"

"Do you think we'll be good parents?"

Izzie thought a moment before answering. "Yeah, George, I think we'll be pretty cool parents. We can give this baby everything."

"We might not ever be together, Izzie," he cautioned. "It's so soon after Callie, I just…I'm not sure yet."

"It's okay," she whispered. "We'll still be good parents."

"No matter what happens, we will always be friends. And we will both be in this baby's life, we will raise him together, no matter what."

Izzie took George's hand, and they left the exam room together, ready to share the news with all of their friends.


End file.
